the trials of toddlerhood

Moose walks up to me with a big smile on his face, Papa's glasses on upside down. He looks like the cutest little old man I have ever seen. I can't help but smile as I gently remove the glasses and tell him "These are Papa's, not for playing with. Thank you for bringing them to me."

The smile turns to a frown.

"GRLLLLLAAAAT!" he yells and throws George to the floor. His face reddens. His eyes are filled with rage. Purposefully, he marches up to me, grabs my hand, and pinches it with his nails as hard as he can, then smacks my leg. All the while his angry eyes are drilling holes into my own, daring me to respond. Testing me to see what I will do next.

Yes, this coming from my sweet little Moose. The same Moose who comes up to me and snuggles my belly and pats me on the back when we hug and sings "Lalalala" every night before I start singing his nighttime lullaby to him.

Sound familiar?

If you are riding the rollercoaster of the toddler years like me, you may find yourself wondering what happened to the innocent, tantrum-free days of infanthood. Growing up happened. Learning new skills and acquiring knowledge of how their behavior affects the world around them happened. They test boundaries by choosing not to listen or obey. Most (especially young toddlers like Moose) cannot adequately communicate verbally their emotions and frustrations. And when they choose to act out, they will gauge the effectiveness of their bad behavior by how you, the parent, act in return. They can easily learn to manipulate situations and people to get what they want. Kids are smarter than we often give them credit for.

Communication, or lack thereof, is a huge hurdle for toddlers. Moose still has a very limited vocabulary that consists of about ten words. Ten words that are just not enough to communicate his wants, needs and desires, apparently, as I often see him get frustrated with trying to communicate with me. He expects me, particularly me since I am with him all day, to understand what he is trying to tell me through his limited vocabulary, gestures and grunts. Since I don't speak 17-month-oldese, I sometimes have to just sit back and let him work it out on his own. That is not to say that I don't try to understand what he is asking for, but if my attempts at understanding do nothing more than escalate his frustration then I am content to sit back and let him work through his problems. I think it is good for kids to learn that their parents are not going to wait hand and foot on their every whim and desire.

Other times, Moose gets angry because he is effectively communicating a desire to do something or play with some object that I am blatantly refusing.

No, you cannot open the hot oven door or turn on and off the switch while I cook.

No, you cannot stand on the second stair step and flip on and off the lights.

No, you cannot play with Mommy's scissors.

I am not a Mommy who is afraid to use the word No. I realize this may be a controversial subject in the parenting world, and to each their own. But in my opinion it is good for children to hear the word No. Yes, it can be overused and lose its effectiveness. (IE sitting on the sofa while your toddler attempts to climb on top of the television table and saying no repeatedly instead of getting up, walking over and redirecting your child is usually not effective) However, I do not feel that no is a magical word that needs to be saved for only special occasions. This is just my personal belief, and I respect the beliefs (and patience) of those who refrain from using the word no.

Disciplining your toddler is a tricky situation. Toddlers, especially very young ones like Moose, oftentimes cannot understand the concept of discipline. There are many theories about what is or is not appropriate at this age, and this post is not intended to trigger a debate. Again, I believe that how to properly punish your child is very personal, and what works for one child may not work for another. Bottom line? There is no one-size-fits-all parenting.

So what is my advice for mothers of toddlers and young infants approaching the toddler years? Take it one day at a time. Trust your mommy instinct. Don't be afraid to ask for advice, but if you recieve advice that makes you uncomfortable then let it go in one ear and out the other. Only you know your child, and you will learn through trial and error what works and what doesn't. Remember that you are the parent, and you rule the roost, not your child. It is perfectly okay to set boundaries. In my experience, children thrive under boundaries. Some children will need more, others will thrive with less. Where you draw the line is up to you.

Parenting is a long road, and each stage of a child's life has it's own perks and trials. I try to embrace all of the fun that comes with the battle of wills that is the toddler years, and let that overshadow the hardship and frustration for both parties involved.