sharing a couch no longer necessary.

Nor is compromising between shows, sharing the remote or dividing up television time.

Nope.

With one particular digital company (I hear commercials for daily on the radio) you can DVR four different shows on four different TVs and watch them all in different rooms. No more bumping elbows to get to the popcorn. No more sharing blankets. No more fighting over whether or not to change the channel during commercial.

Why communicate with your family? Why teach your kids the valuable lesson of sometimes having to give up or postpone what they want for others? Instant gratification, baby, that's what I'm talkin' about.

Just think, now your husband can come home to you watching soaps in the bedroom, your kids plopped in front of Barney in their individual rooms, and an open couch for him to watch the game. Its not like he'd be eager to play with his kids before their bedtime or anything. And dinner? Who needs to spend so much time making dinner when you can just pop it in the microwave for five minutes and eat out of the plastic tray?

Heck, who needs machine-washable utensils and dinnerware at all? Paper and plastic are so much easier. Imagine how little mess you'd have to clean. And since everyone eats dinner at different times in different rooms there's no need to wipe the table or clean serving platters. Its better this way, so we don't all annoy each other tweeting on our iPhones about how overcooked the steak is and whyohwhyarewehavingpeasagain.

Thank goodness for cheap, easy and convenient communication to keep us all, like, connected.